1. The rain has stopped and I only have 15 more minutes before we leave for the dinner. Today marked the second week since I came to Brunei. Involved in SEALNet project this year. When it’s getting better each day we are also inching toward a good-bye. This year we do not have much pressure as the co-leaders were pretty easy on things and they didn’t seem to set high expectation though. Lan Anh is being saddened as of her IB results released yesterday. She and Pak-Hin took a long walk whilst Mary and I wore no bras and ran around to find them (because I locked the room door from inside and we had no key with us).
2. Facebook is a dick lately I don’t seem to get anything interesting over there just small talks and stuff. Or is it because I’m in a different setting than theirs? I just use it as now a function to show my dick to the crowd. That’s all.
3. There’s still no word or signal from Khai being alive. To me, ever. Well actually there was this one answer on his ask.fm but then it was deleted what the hell was that?
4. Miscommunication really can piss people off.
5. Not only me but also Pak-Hin and Lan Anh are on the same track of thinking about the “superciality” of the project for the time being. Just had conversations with Pak-Hin and Lan Anh on that. For now we only have 5 more days to leave Brunei some impacts before we leave. A lot has gone unsaid. And I really want to point this out as a huge drawback of the project. Lan Anh and Ka Miz have never had quite a serious conversation on the matter. They didn’t have quite a planning together from the beginning of the project. All the mentors are not getting through with the message that is supposed to be passed out from the co-leaders. It means that the mentors have never actually understood each other and had different levels of expectation. (I almost came to think that Lan Anh only expected the project to be a happy memory for everyone but she has high expectations as well – I guess it is because she went through all this a lot already, it is not her first time doing volunteer work if the difference is not the mentees are gonna stand up and take the lead in this young Brunei community.) What’s more? I feel like the frustration is spitting out of my chest when it comes to PhA she makes me feel so congested with social/peer pressure and reduced to little amount of appreciation that can be traced to photograph little things and singing and the rain or something. I don’t mean to judge but it feels to me the picture of me myself a few years ago I never want to be again. She has to try so hard to be happy as well. She is not happy with herself that’s most of the most fucked-up part she said. Thanks but I have had enough of people like that in my life. Always putting some roles and reaching out for being someone who they are not. Insecure and uptight. Fuck it.
I am sorry but I am so fucking over with that and I gave up a while ago so don’t remind me. Ew.
6. But what should be the main problem then? What assumption can I make from this?
Is it because of the Brunei factors? Are they never serious with having real impacts on the surrounding?
7. For me myself, I really want to work. I really need to be working I am sorry I don’t feel up to any superficial inefficient time consuming kind of things. I am this manipulative dick that wants to work her life out because she has taken too much gap time for the past few years.